Step five – get angry!


Anger is a very normal thing to feel, whether it is a short-lived annoyance or full-blown rage. It is a natural human reaction to things that make us feel that something of ours is threatened, whether it is our life, possessions, privileges or self-perception.  After being broken up with, you will feel anger due to the fact that your ex took something away from you that you didn’t want being taken away. You feel hurt and you feel that your ‘happiness’ was stolen from you. It’s perfectly fine to exxperience these emotions, and it is very important to acknowledge them. What really makes the difference is how you choose to deal with the anger. If you suppress it, it will turn inwards and you will become an angry person in general.

This can have seriously negative effects on your personal and professional relationships, as you can become bitter, cynical and unpleasant. At the same time, allowing your anger to burst to the surface and just let rip will not help the situation either, and it will make your sources of anxiety even worse.

There are two ways to deal with the anger that you are feeling: 1) express it and 2) convert it into energy. It is okay to tell your ex that you are angry about something that they did, but make sure that you have a clear head and know exactly the source of your anger. A good thing to do would be to convert the anger into energy as much as you can before confronting your ex, to ensure that your mind will be clearer and you will not ‘lose your cool’.


A great way to do this is kickboxing. Kickboxing is an effective way to vent your aggression, because it is high impact and it makes you feel like you are fighting whatever is making you angry. It also drains your energy until you simply do not have the desire to be angry anymore. Another great thing about this sport is that it allows you to strengthen, tone and reduce fat all at the same time, leaving you feeling really good about yourself.  Another benefit of kickboxing is that it teaches self-defense, which will allow you to feel independent and in control of your life.

I went to a kickboxing tutorial at my friend’s gym (yet another freebie for this broke student) and it was very therapeutic. I pretended that big old punching bag was my ex and every time I did a big swing or kick, I thought of the way he hurt me and made me feel so humiliated when he dumped me. Let’s just say that my instructor got a little freaked out when I started swearing at his equipment. I must admit that it was a difficult session, because my muscles were a little stiff from the new exercise regimen, but once I got into it and found some rhythm in the different moves, it was a lot of fun and a great outlet for all that pent up frustration. I left the studio feeling powerful and a little proud. When I got home, I sat down for over an hour and wrote down all the things my ex has done to make me feel angry: from his annoying habits, all the way to the way he made me feel so worthless when he just walked away out of the blue. I decided not to confront him about it, because most of my anger had been vented and I didn’t want to let those things affect me anymore. I went to a nearby park where we used to hang out and I burned the letter. It felt like an appropriate goodbye.


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